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Not Quite So Teeny Mantis

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Description

Once upon a time, there was an amateur naturalist, who, for reasons of drama, we shall assume lived under a bridge. One day, he heard the sound of someone trip-trapping across the road his bridge and peered out to see who was there. "Who's that trip-trapping across my road? I mean, bridge?"

"Only me, sir." said the tiny mantis.




The amateur naturalist eyed the tiny mantis "You're pretty scrawny, you know. Barely a pixel."

The tiny mantis nodded earnestly "Oh, I know, sir. But if you wait just a moment, my bigger brother will be along."

"Hmm. Well, you'd better be telling the truth, or I shall be very cross. You may pass."

And the tiny mantis scurried off, and the amateur naturalist twiddled his toes and waited for the next one to come along, which it soon did.

"Who's that trip-trapping across my road? I mean, bridge! Damn architectural nomenclature."

"Just me, sir." said the slightly less tiny mantis.




The amateur naturalist regarded the slightly-less-tiny mantis with skepticism. "You're not much bigger than the last one. And you're a different colour. Are you sure that was your brother along a moment before?"

"Oh, no, sir! He must have meant the mantis following me! He's MUCH bigger!"

"Well, I hope so, for your sake. You may pa- wait a minute. This is starting to sound very familiar. It's not to escalate until I get gored to death by some unholy goat-mantis hybrid, is it?" said the amateur naturalist.

"No?" said the slightly-less-tiny mantis, innocently.

"Very well. You may pass."

The amateur naturalist waited a little longer, and was struck in the face by a medium-sized mantis who clearly wasn't paying attention to the road ahead. I mean, bridge. "Hey! Watch it, buster! What do you think you're doing?"

"Oh, I do apologise, sir." said the medium-sized mantis. "I was in such a hurry and did not see you there."




The amateur naturalist grumbled, aggrievedly. "At least you're bigger than the last two. Hold still, I want to get some photos. You're male, aren't you? Given the size of your wings?"

"Oh, yes indeed sir. But if you wait a moment, a much bigger mantis will be along."

"Bigger, you say? Female, I'm betting?"

The medium-sized mantis nodded.

"Well, at least she won't be coming in a head height - her wings will be too small. And this better not devolve into some crypto-misogynistic fable about 'oooh, how freaky, the females are larger and stronger and more aggressive than us males'" said the amateur naturalist.

"I'm sure it won't, sir. They really are larger and stronger and more aggressive than us males." said the medium-sized mantis.

"Very well. You may pass."

And, indeed, the next mantis was much bigger than the previous three. It glared at the the amateur naturalist as if daring him to try something.

"And you are?" he asked.

"Archimantis sobrina. Wanna make something of it?" said the much larger mantis.




"Sabrina?" said the amateur naturalist.

"sobrina, ****hole. Do I look like a Sabrina to you?"

"Well, I'm sure I don't know. Now hold still."

"**** that. Come near me with that camera and I'll rip your nipples off." said the much larger mantis.

"Really? Give me one good reason why a vertebrate should have anything to fear from a mantis, even one your size." said the amateur naturalist.

And the larger mantis grinned unpleasantly, and held up a newspaper clipping of a mantis holding a hummingbird it had impaled through the heart. And the amateur naturalist retreated to his lair, most disgruntled, but at least he'd got some nice photos.





It was a good week for mantids...
Image size
2048x1536px 1.47 MB
Make
SAMSUNG
Model
GT-S5830
Shutter Speed
1/1315 second
Aperture
F/2.6
Focal Length
3 mm
ISO Speed
50
Date Taken
Jan 8, 2013, 3:02:41 AM
Comments4
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Boverisuchus's avatar
And then a Titanopteran came along and roundhouse kicked the amateur naturalist in the head...